Evening, everyone!

How’s everyone doing?

Feeling the love?

Right on.

Tonight, I admit, was very peanut-buttery.

Evidence?

Exhibit A:

Gluten free tapioca loaf, peanut butter, strawberry jam.

Spotted at the scene of the crime: one slice of gluten free bread slathered with peanut butter and jam.  Quite thoroughly masticated.  DNA matches that of the defendant.

How do you plead?

“Please, sir, can I have some more?”

Exhibit B:

Apple cinnamon and plain rice cakes, with a generous dollop of apple-cinnamon peanut flour.

Three rice cakes, two apple cinnamon flavored and one plain.  A heap of peanut flour mixed with applesauce and cinnamon.  Defendant was spotted noshing on it while fleeing the scene.

Judge, do we have a verdict?

I’m afraid we’ll need more evidence, Mr. Lawyerdude.  Do you have any?

Exhibit C:

Wonderfully ripe and juicy pear. Consumed while watching "The Sound of Music" with Amor.

Um, Mr. Lawyerdude?  Sir, that’s a pear.

I know!  But look at the crosshatching on the side.  This pear was left too long in a hanging fruit basket and now has the marks to bear for its days in isolation.

Judge, I attest that Kaz left this pear sitting out too long, and only ate it to throw us and the jury off her trail.  I assure you, she’s a peanut butter fiend!

Exhibit D:

Coconut sorbet, chocolate coconut ice cream, gluten free cone.

And this, Mr. Lawyerdude?  How is this to prove that Kaz is guilty of excessive peanut butter consumption?

Why, Judge!  Didn’t you know?  Ice cream is a gateway sweet.  72.6% of all people who eat ice cream eventually turn to peanut butter to get their deliciousness fix.

Mr. Lawyerdude, you offer a compelling argument.  Any other evidence?

Medjool dates stuffed with homemade maple peanut butter.

Kaz!  Is it true that on the night of the 6th, somewhere around ten p.m., you dumped almost a pound of helpless peanuts into your food processor and ruthlessly ground them to a paste?

And into said paste, you added a hearty glug of pure maple syrup?

Mr. Lawyerdude, you are badgering the defendant!  As the judge, I must offer a fair trial to Ms. Kaz.  Any closing statements?

Only this:

NOT GUILTY by reason of you can never, ever have too much peanut butter.

That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it (not unlike how peanut butter sticks to the roof of your mouth).

The Jury finds the defendant Kaz NOT GUILTY, but only if she makes sure to let it happen again and again and every day and never stops eating and enjoying peanut butter.

Have you ever been summoned for jury duty? I was once, but unfortunately I had to beg out because of school.  I would have loved the experience, though.

Thanks for reading!

❤ Kaz

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